Shuffling a Rebels Perfection

It shuffles me to know that individuals find it easier to fight their own insecurities of justifying themselves in denial of a selfless yet selfish life than to actually fix the issues in their life. Why search for something or more so question everything when you already know the answer or where it is. Yea I can fathom how things can be tough and we don’t always get along with all the folk in the world but isn’t that life? “Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer” is this not true? Creating some superstitious judgement or assumption of the ones you once shadowed is this not merely judging yourself? If you create walls in your life to hide from the truth or to avoid the guilt trip, make sure you are ready to break down those walls yourself when you come tumbling down!! If you are searching for something more than what you had found - did you really find something in the beginning? True this may be, but why follow it in denial, in deception for so long? When you could either choose to cut loose from it all or (as it appeared) hop on the train and actually go to the destination? Placing the blame on others or using others for excuses to justify your own selfish treks is just sad… if you think playing some kind of political football match or a blame game will justify or morally dignify your attitudes and actions than obviously you don’t even understand why you are doing it. Take all these people and excuses out of your lives and what do you have? Nothing… or pure confusion of what to do, who to follow and no idea of your own self-identity.

If you seriously want to go your way that’s fine but I don’t see any truth or reason for you to make your way back when it was merely to prove a point or to experience the apparent joys of a destructive path. I think you’re on a path to find a perfection of your own self-identity which doesn’t exist.

“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it” - Edith Schaeffer

“Man can certainly keep on lying... but he cannot make truth falsehood. He can certainly rebel... but he can accomplish nothing which abolishes the choice of God.” - Karl Barth