A reoccurring topic among my friends and family is the constant reminder that I am single, because apparently I didn't know… However, this isn't a blog to rant about the people always reminding me, but more so, due to always being told why I shouldn't be single or why it is good to be single, I thought I might as well stop and basically walk through my current thinking of being single.
These days, it’s typical for people to seek out relationships as their number one priority because they believe this is what life is all about. If you are devoting all of your time to seeking a partner, chances are, you are ignoring all of the other amazing things life has to offer. However, with this said; finding your life long partner and getting married, starting a family and growing old together is one of these amazing things life has to offer.
Over the years I have learnt to value my independence. You see finding someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with isn't as simple as picking an apple from a tree. It takes time. Many people out of the fear of being alone, social pressure or even financial stability will settle with someone – even someone that isn't right for them. I have decided to look past this hype; and within doing so I have learnt to be myself, to love myself (still learning) and to love all the people I surround myself with.
So what do I do with all this free time you ask…? Well firstly I don’t have that much free time but let me explain.
Being young, eager and willing to learn, I am ready to put in some hard work in my young years to make my later years more enjoyable. Being single enables me to focus on my career and preparing me for the years to come. Does this mean more hours than play… usually, does it mean some more dollars… yes, but what it does do for sure is grow me, create a secure foundation for my future as well as for my future family. How do I do this? I currently work 2 jobs, one full time and the other part time and I also have my own start up business, which just earns a little cash on the side.
I have found that happiness is derived from surrounding yourself with people you love and who love you in return. These are the people I share my experiences with, whether it be my best mates, work mates and my family. These people are my support circle, the ones which I can be proud of and the ones who are proud of me.
One thing I've recently taken on is getting myself into shape. Sometimes I can’t understand how I even let myself get so unhealthy… however, I managed to jump the gun and get back on track. Having lost 20kg’s now within a year, this not only makes me look better healthier, but also has made me feel better and boosted my confidence in so many ways. Now I do something active at least 6 days a week, which helps me feel alive and pumped for each day ahead. As I have progressed I have become more and more motivated and I will continue to keep shaping my body to what it deserves.
While getting myself into shape has been a priority, this has also kick-started my own drive into making myself a better person all-round and I try to do this daily. With this in mind, it has meant not only trying to cut out bad habits, but also cutting out people. I am trying to enhance my living and how I live and sometimes in order to do that - things need to change. I try to make sure I am living a life where I am growing and improving daily. This means gathering the strength and courage to do something different, to push a little harder and get outside my comfort zone.
It is my life and I want the best that I can have. Shouldn't we all? I can’t expect to achieve more in life if I am willing to accept the bare minimum. I have set standards in my life which I abide by and live by, these are what define my ability to grow and to go the extra mile. As blunt as it may be, this could be a very reason of why I am still single. Simply because I want the best for me, I want to marry someone who will be my life partner, someone who I am going to spend the rest of my days growing with, loving and of course starting a family with. For a hint of what this best for me looks like… let me give some points:
· A God-fearing Woman
· A Great sense of humour
· Someone who knows what she wants
· Has self-worth
· Values fitness
· A woman that doesn't go out (not always out on the scene), but still can show out
· Isn't annoying (nag, unappreciative , etc)
· Unafraid of being submissive
There is nothing worse than being broke and living pay check to pay check. Over the last couple of years I have increased my financial awareness, I have learnt ways to optimize my savings and I have even earned more money in the past couple of years then my entirety beforehand. Right now as I am single I have the perfect opportunity to save, to invest and to grow my financial self wisely. This isn't a time to spend it on pointless things. I have spent hours teaching and training myself on how to budget and actually budget. I have also started investing in shares and currently preparing myself to enter real estate as well.
So I guess in summary… Being single is a phase in my life. The time will come when being single is a faded memory, and this could change in the blink of an eye. But until that time, I shall continue to work on myself, physically, mentally, financially and work to build a foundation for my future.
Don’t agree? Don’t like what I have said here? You do agree or you do like what I have said here? Regardless, if you have a comment that you would like to make, please let me know. You can comment below, or simply drop an email: contact.clfurlong@gmail.com
Good on you Chris - there is nothing wrong with being single, nor waiting for the "right" young woman to come into your life!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing bro.
ReplyDeleteYou know you can always look for the best. But when always looking for the best, its very hard to accept the bare minimum, as you have shared, it becomes an unwillingness.
In my experience, acceptance should come before wanting. For how will you know what you want before accepting what you have?
Your 'take' on being single, in my opinion, is exactly that, its more 'taking' then giving. If you gave some acceptance to the bare minimum, you then might receive the best, rather then try and take it.
And the right woman, as the best woman for you, will never be the 'right' woman. Because She may seem to tick all your boxes, though how can another human fit your mold of 'best' . .. And stay that for the rest of your life?
Love does not mean you are compatible, the best fit. Rather the opposite, isnt the things or ones that we do not like, in need of the most love?
Isn't the bare minimum of ourselves, in need to be held in love and acceptance, rather then ignored and not acknowledged?
If you are willing to accept your bare minimum, then I think you could accept other bare minimums, becoming not a search for what is best, but a search of how to love.
And may the 4th be with you.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I get rather frustrated at people that try to match make me and highlight the fact that I am single. I too am focused on my career and bettering myself. I actually think getting married to young can be a mistake. I have seen a few couples that are now much older who were married young, and are having issues now because they did not learn to be independent before they got married. You have to be a fully functioning person before you can really be able to take care of someone else. One can't just cling to a relationship out of emotional dependance, that sets things up for disaster.
ReplyDeleteYou also learn a lot about love through friendships and past dating experiences. You learn how to love by being a good friend, and learning how to sacrifice for people around you. As for a list, I threw my list out years ago. There is only two key thing that must be "ticked" before I would consider someone are:
1) they have a heart for God, and strive to be the best they can, which is displayed through his lifestyle.
2) That he will love me with all of his heart and strive to help me be a better person
I believe that God will point out someone to me when the time is right. I certainly believe that I am capable of loving anyone with my whole heart, but am waiting for God to point someone out. After all, love is not supposed to be conditional on a person having certain traits, its through accepting them for all of their inadequacies, and striving to help them be a better person. Life is also unpredictable. You may marry someone and they may be in an accident or get an illness that causes their whole personality/lifestyle to change. I suppose what I have learned about love is commitment and sacrifice. However, that being said, for a life long partnership, you need someone who loves you back the same way.
Relationships are not intended to be one sided. Both people need to love each other the best they can and make the other persons needs a priority. I would never marry someone I loved who did not love me back, that would be the most heartbreaking thing ever. I would certainly rather be single, than be with someone who does not love me.
Someone who REALLY loves you, will WANT to share things that you value, such as fitness, and she will submit to you if she is willing to give you her heart. The hardest thing sometimes though is the waiting. The struggle between the desire to love someone, vs the right timing. That is something we just have to trust God about.